Feeling Blue
by Vanilla Owns Chocolate
Summary: Blue gets a letter from Red shortly after his disappearance. (OriginalShipping, aka Red/Blue. Takes place slightly before the events of Gen 2.)


It didn't take a genius to figure out that Blue Oak was depressed.

Everyone could see it. It was in the way he talked, the way he seemed to give half-hearted orders to his Pokémon almost apathetically, and especially in the way he would stare off into the distance, as if in deep thought.

It had been a week since Red had disappeared. The whole region was in a state of panic. The youngest champion in history had just dropped off the map somehow. The Indigo League was without a leader, and nobody seemed to have a clue where he might have gone. Not even his mother seemed to have an inkling of an idea as to where her son could have possibly been. She was perhaps the most worried about him, and rightly so.

Despite this, the effect that his disappearance had on Blue was apparent to everyone. While they were rivals almost since birth, the connection that they seemed to share was obviously closer than either of them cared to let on. Blue would often tease him, but that was mostly due to his competitive streak. He had been a particularly power-hungry youth, as most children are, but he had become much more humbled after he was overthrown from his position as champ. He never liked losing (in fact, he _hated_ it), but the experience changed him somehow, and he learned a valuable lesson from it. Ever since then, he had tried his hardest not to let his ego get the better of him.

But now, with Red gone, he seemed more...distant. Like he didn't care about other people's feelings, much less his own. He became bitter, more sarcastic. He didn't talk nearly as much as he used to, and when he did, he always sounded tired. Indeed, visible bags were starting to develop under his eyes. His Pokémon tried their best to console him, but they could tell he was beyond comfort at the moment.

One day, his sister showed up at Viridian City Gym.

"Blue? Are you busy?" she called out cautiously. The gym was mostly empty, but she could hear a loud sigh from within the maze-like structure that was meant to serve as an obstacle for young trainers who wanted to battle the leader. The noise echoed throughout the building, as did the sorry footsteps of her younger brother, who trudged solemnly up to her.

"Hey, Daisy." he greeted coldly. "What's up?"

She frowned. "Blue, are you okay? I haven't heard from you in a while."

"Yeah. I'm fine." he said, but it was obvious that she didn't believe him.

"You don't _sound_ fine." she muttered, putting on her best "stern older sister" look.

"Well then, you must be hearing things wrong, because I am absolutely, 100% fine." he snapped, digging his fingers into his palms.

Daisy's expression didn't change, but her voice was much softer when she asked, "You miss him, don't you?"

He glared at her defensively. "No!" he snarled. "I'm just...not used to not having him around! It's fine; I'll get over it."

She exhaled sadly and put a hand on his shoulder. He gave her a dirty look, but he didn't pull away. "Blue, it's okay if you do. We all do."

"I don't miss him!" he yelled, now retracting his shoulder roughly. "Hell, if anything, I'm _mad_ at him! Who does he think he is, just up and leaving without telling anybody?! What are we supposed to do?!"

Forcefully, he blinked back the tears in his eyes. His sister nodded understandingly, sympathy written on her face. For some reason, this only made him angrier, and he continued to rant.

"The League NEEDS him! Kanto needs him! His mother sure as hell needs him! I-" Quickly, he blushed and stopped himself. However, it was obvious what he had originally intended to say: _I_ _need him._

He was grateful that nobody was in the gym today. What with the champion being gone, Gym Leaders had to postpone giving badges to people. He had thought he would be able to have some time to himself in the gym. He was sadly proven wrong.

"Blue...do you know what's been happening recently?" Daisy spoke up when it was clear that he wasn't going to say anything more. He rolled his eyes.

"Sis, you know I've never really been interested in the news. Unless they discovered some new Pokémon or something, then I don't...want..." he trailed off. His sister was holding something out to him. It was an envelope, clearly addressed to him, but the handwriting was all too recognizable.

"He sent these letters from an unknown post office. From the time it took them to arrive, people think they came from Johto." she explained. Blue's eyes were wide with disbelief as she went on. "He sent one to his mother, one to Professor Oak- I mean, Grandpa," (Blue noticeably grimaced when she said that name) "and one to you. There might be more, too, but nobody else has received one so far."

Shakily, he reached his hand out and grabbed the letter with trembling hands. He stared at it in bewilderment for a while, not sure what to think, what to do, or what to say. The handwriting looked too real, but was it really true...?

Daisy gave him a faint, reassuring smile. "Yes, it's actually from him. The police, Grandpa, and his mother were able to testify to that."

Blue said nothing. He just continued to stare blankly at the envelope, partially scared to open it.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?" Daisy asked, giving him a look of pity. Wordlessly, he nodded, and she turned and left the gym with a final, sympathetic glance.

Blue looked at the letter a while longer. He wanted so badly to see what was inside, but (though he would never admit it to anyone) he was nervous. What if _he_ was the reason that Red left? What if he was too mean to him when they were kids, and this letter was just one big rant telling him that it was all his fault?

He swallowed hard. He couldn't take it anymore. He was Blue Oak, former champion of the Pokémon League (if only for a few minutes), and here he was obsessing over some dumb letter like some kind of weak, pathetic schoolgirl. He had to know what Red had written to him. With shaking fingers, he opened the envelope, trying to be as gentle as possible.

 _Dear Blue,_

 _You know I've never been much for words, so I apologize if this whole thing sounds weird or awkward to you._

Oh, Arceus. He was already tearing up. He mentally kicked himself, forcing the tears away.

 _I figured, of all the people I would be sending these letters to, you would probably be the most understanding. After all, we grew up together with the same dream: to be the very best, like no one ever was. While this naturally resulted in us becoming rivals, we still supported one another through our competitions._

"But I was so mean to you..." Blue found himself whispering, as if he was actually talking to Red face-to-face. He cupped a hand over his mouth to stop the potential tears from flowing into it.

 _I know that sometimes you let your pride get the best of you. I just want you to know that it's okay. To be completely honest, sometimes I did, too. We were kids. In the end, it was all just fun and games._

 _That is, until we got our starters._

Blue sucked in a breath through his nose. This was it. He braced himself for the inevitable.

 _When we began our first real Pokémon journey, I was excited. You were excited. Everyone in Pallet Town was excited for us. But something seemed to click in your mind after we had our first battle that day. Now that you finally had the chance to achieve your goals, you were not going to let the opportunity slip by._

He exhaled. He was never proud of his behavior back then. Now, here he was, suffering the consequences. Because of him, his best friend and rival was gone for who knows how long, and the chances of him coming back were probably second to none.

 _You became determined, possibly more determined than me. And finally, finally, after only a few days' time, you did the unthinkable: You became the youngest champion to ever beat the Elite Four._

 _I was so proud of you. I'll bet your sister was proud of you too. In fact, I don't doubt that even your grandfather was at least a little proud of you as well._

Blue snorted and rolled his eyes. Yeah, right. That stupid old man was never proud of him for anything. For some reason, though...he felt compelled to believe Red's words. He could tell just by the tone of the letter that he meant what he said. He couldn't help but smile, if only for a little, at how genuine it was.

 _I guess what I'm trying to say is: I'm sorry. Sorry for taking away your moment of glory like that. I know that you deeply regret how rudely you acted towards me back then, and believe me when I say that I forgive you. I know now that you did what you did because you just wanted your grandfather to notice you, and I took away your chance to impress him for real. I'm sorry, Blue._

Blue wanted to knock him on the head, like old times, and tell him to stop being such an idiot. He wanted to tell him that it was okay, that it was his fault, and that he didn't deserve an apology. _I was such an asshole to you,_ he thought. _Why are you doing this?_

 _I think that's part of the reason why I left. Now, you can take up the role as champion again. They'll have to let you, right? You had the position before me. It stands to reason that you would be the best replacement in my absence._

"Goddammit, I never wanted to be the champion like THIS!" he found himself yelling, his frustration growing. This wasn't fair. It really wasn't. He knew that Red's disappearance was all his fault. It was only when he continued reading, however, that his thoughts quickly changed.

 _Of course, you don't have to take my place if you don't want to. You have the gym, after all, and I don't really know how exactly a league handles the loss of a champ. There are many reasons why I left, but, going back to the beginning of the letter, I believe that you would understand my main reason for doing so more than anybody._

 _See, everybody always says you gotta "catch 'em all." For a while, I was content with just sticking to Kanto to fill out my Pokedex. But after a while, something...changed. I was more recognizable now. I wasn't just another kid off on his Pokémon adventure. I was the champion of the Indigo League. It was much harder to go out and finish my quest when there were people at every turn trying to ask me questions about what it was like to be champion. I was just a kid; Kids can't just stay in one place. I needed to get out and explore, because there were still Pokémon to catch, and I didn't want to miss out._

 _So I stayed. At first, I didn't mind, because legendaries were notorious for being hard to find and even harder to catch. But I was determined, and soon enough I had done it; I had filled out my entire Pokedex. I had information on every single Pokémon in Kanto, from Bulbasaur to Mewtwo and even to Mew._

 _But that just wasn't enough. I knew very well that there were still more Pokémon out there, living in regions close by or even far away. I simply had to go out and find them. When you say "gotta catch 'em all," you have to MEAN it, and that was exactly what I intended to do._

 _There was only one problem. Kanto needed its champion._

 _I had to stay put. I had to watch over the Elite Four. I was only eleven years old at that point! An eleven-year-old can't be expected to stay in charge of an entire region's Pokémon League!_

 _Nevertheless, I waited. I tried to be as patient as I possibly could, but it all became too much for me. It pained me to think that there were Pokémon out there, just waiting to be caught, and I could do nothing but sit and wait for somebody to defeat me and take my position, which was already very unlikely._

 _Finally, I had enough. I said, "I'm done with all this," and, like a coward, I left. I didn't even say anything to anyone before I did. I just packed my bags, put on my best attempt at a disguise, and left Kanto in the middle of the night._

 _It was awful of me, I know. I hate the fact that I left everybody in the dark. That's why I wrote these letters: to reassure everybody. To let them know that I'm still okay, I'm still alive, and I'm doing just fine. Here, nobody seems to care that I'm the champion. In fact, I don't think they even recognize me at all. That makes sense; Not too many people pay attention to other regions' Pokémon Leagues except for their own._

 _The professor here is really nice. I think you'd like him a lot, Blue. He studies Pokémon breeding. Can you believe that? Breeding! Pikachu, it turns out, has had a pre-evolution this whole time! How long did that take to figure out?!_

 _And it's not just Pikachu, either! Pokémon like Jigglypuff, Jynx, Clefairy...even Hitmonlee and Hitmonchan have one! Did you know that there's another Pokémon that their prevolve can evolve into? "Hitmontop," they call it! Wow!_

Despite the tears that were now freely falling down his face, Blue couldn't help but laugh at his old friend's enthusiasm. He always was enthusiastic when it came to catching new Pokémon.

 _Anyway, that's enough for now. I don't exactly know how to end this letter, but I want it to be on a positive note. So, in conclusion, Blue: Please don't blame yourself for my disappearance. I left of my own accord, not because of any external pressure. While I still feel guilty about the way I treated you back then, I want you to know that I'm proud to have been your rival._

 _I hope to see you again someday in the future. Maybe we can even battle again, just like old times! I never said I wasn't coming back, after all._

 _Until then,_

 _Red._

Blue stood there for what felt like hours, rereading the letter over and over again. Finally, with a sigh of exasperation, a shake of his head, and a faint smile, he folded it, put it in his pocket, and wept.


End file.
